Women in Italy don’t change their names when they marry. In the US this is the norm; most women when they marry change their surname to their husband’s, and there are simple, routine procedures in place for them to do so. It’s so usual that Americans are confused if you don’t do it. Years ago I asked the Adaptec travel service to reserve airline tickets for myself and my family, and ended up with tickets for “Mr. and Mrs. Straughan.”
Some American women don’t change their names, often for professional reasons, sometimes for political ones. Some couples hyphenate their two last names and give that as a last name to the kids. I always wondered what would happen if two such children decided to marry: would they create a quadruple surname?
In Italy, as far as I know, there is no legal procedure by which a woman could change her surname to her husband’s, even if she wanted to. In every context except the family, you’re still known by your own name, which saves headaches and maintains continuity on the professional front. Every doorbell has both names on it. On the other hand, the kids almost always get their father’s name, and it’s perfectly natural and normal to be called “Mrs. So-and-so” in some settings, such as your child’s school (perhaps simply because it’s easier for the teacher to remember).
Enrico and I got married in the US, but I never got around to changing my name, and neither of us gave it much thought. To the extent that I thought about it, I had spent so many hours of my life explaining both my names that I was perversely reluctant to give up the struggle.
I didn’t initially realize that women don’t change their names in Italy. When I began publishing articles in Italian magazines, I thought that my husband’s name might be easier for Italians to deal with. However, his great-grandfather was Swiss, so his name is neither Italian nor entirely easy, and I ended up spending almost as much time explaining that one as Straughan. And I didn’t like the look of it alongside Deirdré in print. So I switched back to Straughan, and have articles published under both names. The book was published under my own name (and Fabrizio’s).
Jan 10, 2004
The above sparked some responses. It seems that American women (and even one man friend of mine) change their names so that the whole family will have the same last name, though this desire is often complicated by multiple marriages with kids from various pairings. One friend told me about a couple she knows who wanted to share a last name in an equitable fashion, so they made one up, combining elements of each of their original surnames.
I’ve also known cases where women were glad upon marriage to give up an unappealing surname, and I had several responses were about that:
Sally: “I can think of lots of English names I would want to change. .. like Bosomworth, Ramsbottom, Drain. One girl I know refused to marry Ted unless he changed his name from Tiplady.”
And Judith: “I would change my name IF I thought my new husband’s surname better than my current one. One English girlfriend gave up ‘Loutit’ on marriage for the much more glamourous French ‘Dubresson’ – she was thrilled!”
A friend of mine was named Fugelhawke, and her fiance’ used the nick-name Hawke in D&D, so they both changed to Hawke upon marrying.
Hi, just a question. I am italan, and about to get married to an american guy in las vegas (under US law): can i change my surname to his? id love to…
cheers and thank u
z.
If you’re marrying under US law I guess you could change your name, but I suspect that wouldn’t apply back in Italy. Or you’d have to go through one hell of a dance with the anagrafe about it…
I just married an Italian and didn’t legally change my name. We live in the US and I had always planned to change my name. In fact, all my family assumed I did and sent ‘Happy Wedding’ checks addressed to me with my husband’s surname.
So here I am… I still want to change it, but we’re moving to Italy this summer. Should I just suck it up and keep my old name because it will cause too much confusion over there? Ack…
I have been doing genealogy on my Italian side of the family. All of my Italians aunts changed their names when they married. Also, the documents that I found of my ancestors in Italy all of the women changed their names when they married. Is not changing the name custom only to a certain region? How long has this been custom? My documents go all the way back to early 1800′s and my great great grandmother definitely changed her name. I asked my great aunt who is from Italy and she this was the first she heard of this.
@mimi: “In Italy since 1975 a woman legally keeps her birth name. Socially, she may add her husband’s name to the end of her name linked with the word in: for example, if Maria Rossi marries Carlo Bianchi she can then use the form Maria Rossi in Bianchi…”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names#Italy
I didn’t want to forsake my lyrical Italian name for my husband’s bland Anglo-Saxon name, but I did because of pressure from him. When I divorced I wanted my name back, but my aunt convinced me that it was better professionally to have the white bread name, and then there were the kids. Kids are grown now and I use my maiden name as a middle name professionally, because there are TOO MANY people with my christened-surname combination otherwise. I really wish I had never taken a husband’s name. If I ever remarry, I’ll revert to my Italian maiden name.
Its time to get with the times ladies! (a lot of countries give children the mothers last name this article is wrong)
You are not property, when you convert under him..you take his name and rid yourself of your family to join his family as your own. This has got to stop. Many baby girls are being aborted for this reason…”she will be a burden on us, she will not carry our name, only a son will get rid of her” attitude exists! Women need to be proud of their birth families…many kids don’t even know their mothers side family name which is their own blood!? In my country i can trace back at least 15 generations both sides because i come from spain..where all CHILDREN TAKE THE MOTHERS LAST NAME! I am shocked at america how old fashioned women are! American women are like from the 1800′s.
This is how my country works:
Example:
Father’s name: John Lopez Mano
Mother’s Name: Maria Ortiz Silva
child’s Name: Shelia Mano Silva
This is the LAW IN MY COUNTRY! Child grows and gets married is:
Husband: Adam Smith Seize
Wife: Shelia Mano Silva (never changes name upon marriage)
Child: Melissa Seize Silva
2nd Child: Jonny Seize Silva
So notice that there are always 2 last names…and always Legally ends with the mothers!
why don’t women ever learn, It seems that there will never be an equality because women don’t want it! Sorry, if you continue to go under a man upon marriage and half these kids are left without fathers, why don’t you put them under your name…Look at spain a european country where children are under their mothers and we know both sides because MOTHERS SIDE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT THIS ALSO PREVENTS INCESTS..I KNOW BOTH SIDES OF THE FAMILY TREE WHICH MAKES THE HOLE SIDE OF THAT CHILD…HAVING ONLY ONE LAST NAME SAYS I DO NOT CLAIM MY MOTHERS SIDE BECAUSE SHE IS NOTHING…AND NOT BLOOD RELATED!
if the woman makes more money then the husband – he should change his last name to hers, women do all the work with children, men just name and drop off chasing other females 50% of the time. I can’t understand women, it seems the younger the wife the naive child side will do anything to drop her family and join his, even if her mother inlaw hates her. When a woman is married in her 30′s she more open minded and realizes she is also a person and yes, she can give her children her name too! Think of it this way if your husbands last name was Pigs and yours was Flowers, would it not make sense to give your children Flowers (womans name) rather then Pig? One thing Americans seem not to have common sense!
Tulla-bell,I like your answer! On spot
I was wondering if you know the Italian law regarding giving children the mother’s last name. My husband has personal reasons for not wanting to give our kids his name, but if it’s legally difficult for me to change my name to his, how are people going to react to our idea? This question may be absurd to Americans, Canadians, Brits, and Aussies, but my mum-in-law reacted violently to this idea.