All posts by Ross

What Happened at Heathrow

Mussoorie: father and son holding hands

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PART 1

You feel welcomed to India when you have spent the day vomiting and trying to find a position in which it doesn’t feel as if someone is cutting you open from the inside and pouring rock salt on the wound.

Just so: my first day of Himalayan life was a day of near-faints and general illness.

Aug 1, 2007

I arrive at London airport excited about, if not entirely conscious of, my imminent departure.

Everything seems to go smoothly until I discover that I wasn’t allowed two bags of 20 kilos each, but only one. Then I discover that the excess baggage charge would be 24 pounds sterling per kilo. You do the math!

Fortunately, my weeping was more effective than the shrill yells of my infuriated mother: a young Indian who worked for the airline took pity on me and managed to convince the hostess at check-in to give me a huge discount…

Now I’m alone running across the airport hoping I don’t miss the flight. Since I didn’t receive the t-shirt from the exchange program, which was supposed to help us recognize each other, I did my best with one that had the school logo on it. In fact I am soon recognized by one of the tribe of kids who is wearing a bright orange t-shirt at least three sizes too big!

I introduce myself, conversation begins with the usual questions that the occasion demands. I think to myself: “For a year, they will be part of my life.”

The arrival in New Delhi is a relief for all who, in spite of exhaustion and jet lag, are fascinated by the first impact of India and the enormity of the hotel we’re staying at.

I’m sharing a room with an American girl who has been living in Paraguay for many years. She explains to me that she’s a bit afraid because, even though the city where she lives is a lot more dangerous than India, she’s used to having body guards, guards outside the houses, armored windows, etc.

I’m proud of myself because the arrival in a place so drastically different from my home has not disturbed me in the least! I manage to stay awake and active, participate in conversations, and generally I think everybody likes me.

The girl I was talking about before, just now as I was writing, started to yell like the damned. She’s in the room across from mine. I decide not to react, until a rat runs into my room, and I understand what the yells were about.

First Photos from India

Indian street kid saluting

Mussoorie: cow on the path

Mussoorie: puppy

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I had written one of my TOO BEAUTIFUL poems. Except that:

  • I can’t connect my laptop to the Internet
  • I have to transfer everything on a USB key
  • this computer in the library dating back to 1920 doesn’t recognize what I’ve written?
  • it all came out YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-oof

The photos are nice, though!

I’m great.

Zabovine [her girlfriends in Lecco], your photos are hung up and are much admired by all!

It’s raining a lot, there are monkeys, I eat rice and curry ALWAYS.

I’m happy – in case anyone wants to ask.

Greetings to Lecco which, in any case, I miss.

Departure

I feel so cosmopolitan!

One day I’m wandering around London with my hair expensively curled, looking at shop windows where the price of a pair of underwear equals the bimonthly salary of some Indian whom I will see in a few days, on the streets of New Delhi.
Ross and Moet
5:26 AM

I’m leaving.

([photo of] the celebrations from last night)

Next upload from India, it’s official!

Packing

Just me.

Two suitcases*, max 20 kilos each.

Since this will be a year in India, I was forced to discard low-necked shirts, miniskirts and short-shorts, high heels and wedge sandals: in other words, everything I usually wear!

Put aside is the useless junk, the designer stuff that I’d be ashamed to show off.

I look around, see my usual room – companion of strange moods, breakdowns in front of the mirror, wild dances, and songs at the top of my voice. My bed that creaks, the TV that keeps me company during sleepless nights, old diaries, fashion magazines, Barbies covered in dust, horse models, stuffed animals.

An archive of memories and variegated objects which, up til a little while ago, I was convinced were a big part of who I am.

Every Saturday evening after dinner, I faced my closet with an air of challenge, thinking that, no matter how full it was, it wouldn’t be enough to supply a completely satisfactory outfit that would make me feel beautiful, carefree, and happy.

From the closet I moved to the mirror, to wage battle with my image, my weapons mascara and eyeshadow.

I smile thinking of the usual “stroke of genius” that comes to me every now and then.

Today it was to photograph myself nude.

While I did it I felt beautiful,

carefree,

happy.

Tomorrow I will leave with two suitcases which I hope weight more or less 20 kilos each, filled with the bare necessities.

In any case, I’m always me.

Minus a few costumes to wear.

(However, if I return with my head shaved and converted to some strange religion – hit me!)

*Mom: Well, that turned out to be wrong!

Pilgrimage

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Indian man on a pilgrimage [title of the photo, which Ross took during our trip to India in 2005]

Pilgrimage: a voyage of devotion and penitence towards the sacred places of every religion.

Sitting for hours in front of the computer.

I’m waiting for a great idea for some logical thread or thesis to follow, to write an excellent admissions essay, to arrive from this sad, gray sky.

For months I have decided to hide, at least from the fotolog community, my intention, if circumstances permit, to do a school year out of the country, and I have never explained my reasons for “wanting to participate in this program and attend an international, multicultural and multireligions school in India” – which I need to [explain] by tomorrow and, of course, I have waited right up to the deadline to do it.

So, why go?

Why leave a decidedly comfortable life which gives me, with little or no effort on my part, everything I need and many things I could just as well do without, but still leaves me unsatisfied, with a constant sensation of incompleteness?

Why say goodbye – for a not-short time – to the friends I depend upon, the lifestyle I’m used to, my habits, vices, tastes, caprices, constructive pains, infinite gossip, hysterical laughter, frustrated crying, and the long list of unconnected things that come to mind when I think about HOW I LIVE.

The harder list to make, however, is the things I will have to get used to if I go, and the list of what I hope and expect to gain:

I wouldn’t have the same freedom, but – freedom to do what, anyway?

I would have to learn to be independent in a very different way from how I am now. This would no longer mean coming home when I feel like it Saturday night, feeling adult because I got drunk and went to the disco.

I would have to live with habits and customs completely different from those of Lecco, substituting rice for pasta, H&M with the local tailor, and things like that.

It will no longer be an option to leave all my clothes on the floor until they form a mountain that takes on a life of its own and becomes an independent being (seriously, my clothes will soon open their own fotolog: fotolog.com/wevebeenonthefloorforayear).

[Many other things] will no longer be an option (alcohol, smoking, immoral sex – what “immoral” means I don’t yet know!)

But I still haven’t given my reasons [for wanting to go]:

I’ve already visited India. Thinking about it brings back those sensations that I feel when I watch a documentary or hear ethnic music in the waiting room at the beauty shop: the strumming of the sitar carries me back to the heat, the spicy odor in the air, the brown faces with huge black eyes that I’d like to photograph, one by one, I’m so moved by their beauty. It carries me back to lime water, to the streets full of cars from several epochs ago, side by side with rickshaws magically pedalled by very skinny legs. To how I wanted to cry the first times that the children, seeing white people, surrounded them like ants on a crumb.

It’s difficult if not impossible to explain in words this desire to run away, because in the end it would mean running away in the hopes of finding a better life when I return. It may be that I have it in my blood. I’m resigned to the fact that, even if I had never spoken of India with my mother, the desire to go would have started pulsing in my veins sooner or later.

Writing this essay is like waiting for a flight to board, when with a thousand books and magazines I try to calm myself and hide the fact that I’m jumping out of my skin with curiosity and excitement to go to a land other than my own, and explore it in all its aspects. I am excited about the world because it’s international, multicultural, and multireligious.

Why not take a risk – risk not having everything, not living comfortably, risk seeing sad, ugly things and then crying from the joy of having been so fortunate as to feel an emotion so strong?

Why not say goodbye to the people who love me, knowing that, if they really do love me, distance and time will be irrelevant; to search for different people, perhaps more like myself, who will understand exactly what I’ve gone through, once everything is done and I return home with one more huge suitcase / new “baggage”.