Learn Italian in Song: Fossi Figo

This piece of rude irony by Elio e le Storie Tese (Elio and the Tense Stories) is a good example of the use of the conditional tense in Italian, as well as covering some common Italian slang, and some use of English words in everyday Italian.The video features Gianni Morandi, for no apparent reason (except friendship with the band, I suppose). The subtitles are slogan-like statements about shampoo, beauty treatments, and the importance of diet and exercise in maintaining one’s looks. The final line is “It’s beautiful to be beautiful.”

The video is filmed, I think, in Milan’s Chinatown, except for the last scenes (jogging) in the Galleria and the Piazza del Duomo.

Fossi Figo

If I Were Hot

Fossi figo frequenterei il locale giusto, If I were hot I’d hang out at the right club
fossi figo conoscerei la gente giusta, If I were hot I’d know the right people
fossi figo indosserei vestiti trendy, If I were hot I’d wear trendy clothes
certe volte son dei capi orrendi Sometimes they’re horrible pieces
che a nessuno li rivendi. That you can’t resell to anyone.
Fossi figo tutti i giorni sarei in palestra. If I were hot every day I’d be in the gym
fossi figo starei ignudo alla finestra. If I were hot I’d stay naked at the window
Fossi figo sarei il principe dell’adduttore, If I were hot I’d be the prince of the adductor [muscle]
sarei il re dell’addominale, I’d be the king of the abdominal
sarei il re della finestra. I’d be the king of the window.
Ammirerebbero i miei capelli, They would admire my hair
si, sono finti ma comunque sono molto belli, Yes, it’s fake, but in any case it’s gorgeous.
quelli veri sono volati via col vento My real hair is gone with the wind
e anche la foto sul documento And even the photo on my ID
non mi rassomiglia piu’. doesn’t look like me anymore.
Capelli, capelli*, Hair, hair,
sono andati via e non torneranno mai, It went away and won’t return again
in piazza* li rimpiazzo in my bald spot I’ll replace it
con un prodigio della tecnica frutto di ricerche With a technical prodigy, the fruit of research
e sperimentazioni che ci aiutano nel look. and experimentation that helps us with our look.
Fossi figo guiderei una grande jeep If I were hot I would drive a big jeep
fino in disco attesissimo in zona V.I.P., to the disco, awaited anxiously in the VIP area
il mio nome sarebbe sempre incluso nella lista, My name would always be on the list
non dico proprio il primo della lista I don’t say right at the top of the list
ma neanche l’ultimo degli stronzi. But neither the last of the bastards.
Cubista, cubista, Go-go dancer,
come balli tu io non ho ballato mai, The way you dance I have never danced
ti guardo, tu mi guardi I look at you, you look at me
e si scatena nel mio corpo And something is unleashed in my body
quella strana sensazione che noi giovani chiamiamo… That strange sensation that we young people call
cincin ueò muiterù [parola in cinese che significa “cazzo duro”] … [word in Chinese meaning “hard dick”]
(coro) (chorus)
Forse non sono figo, forse no, Maybe I’m not hot, maybe not
ma sono bello dentro, dentro, But I’m handsome within, within
fuori stranamente mi vedete come un solitario Outside, strangely, you see me as a loner
ma a me piace stare con la gente. But I like being with people.
Io, per piacervi, I, to please you,
mi epilerei per tutto il santo giorno Would depilate all day long
come le balle di un attore porno Like the balls of a porn actor.
* Capelli is plural, unlike English where we use “hair” as a singular collective noun. Which is why Italians, in English, frequently talk about their “hairs”.* piazza is of course the classic Italian town square, but it’s also used to denote the classic male bald spot