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The Twitter Diaries: Aug 23-31, 2011
(In reverse chronological order.)
DeirdreS: @jasonh Looks like a wallpaper pattern
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/109392325771395072
2011-08-31 20:21:19
^ Fill in the blank as you deem appropriate.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108997818932396032
2011-08-31 19:31:28
DeirdreS: I don’t have any recordings of my dad singing. Damn.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108985272586350592
2011-08-31 14:20:11
^ Going out in style
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108906937449590784
2011-08-31 09:08:10
^ Yes, that is a bamboo casket.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108828412440887296
2011-08-31 09:06:57
DeirdreS: @rosannecash is Kristofferson on Twitter? I’d like him to know we’ll be playing his music tomorrow in memory of my dad
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108616980201869312
2011-08-30 18:23:30
DeirdreS: I’m supposed to say something at my father’s funeral tomorrow. I’m good with words, but this time have no idea what to say.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108605779887669248
2011-08-30 03:57:00
“sincere religious believers have the most to lose if faith becomes a matter of poll-time dogma and lung power.”
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108387719150960640
2011-08-29 22:59:20
DeirdreS: RT @billblum: RT @rudepundit: No shit Irene was a message from God, @teambachmann. The message was “Climate change is real, you fucking …
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108312807174455297
2011-08-29 21:27:25
DeirdreS: RT @scottherson: Job opportunity: Inside Sales Manager at Joyent – San Francisco Bay Area #jobs http://t.co/Xvq8naW
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108289677647294464
2011-08-29 21:20:36
DeirdreS: @OrganizeFISH I’m sorry to hear that you also have reason to mourn right now, did I miss news about you somewhere?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108287959631020032
2011-08-29 16:46:03
DeirdreS: @KatieS and who pays the bills? Nice work if you can afford it…
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108218867184185344
2011-08-29 16:40:39
DeirdreS: Meeting a friend. This is head-bending. (@ Apple Store w/ 5 others)
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108217511429939200
2011-08-29 15:39:58
DeirdreS: @metadaddy I’m in the UK, so this isn’t an Americanism. And I’ve seen (and drunk) 2 different brands.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108202235921563648
2011-08-29 15:36:05
DeirdreS: @metadaddy The label says “pear cider’, I’m not fussed either way.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108201261949648896
2011-08-29 15:23:01
DeirdreS: Drinking this lovely British invention, pear cider.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108197973384642560
2011-08-29 15:22:16
DeirdreS: @jasonh I’ll take one. please
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108197781679775744
2011-08-29 15:04:47
DeirdreS: Neko lives! Awww… Node Neko by Team-IIJ
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108193385835270145
2011-08-29 14:59:01
DeirdreS: Wow, looks like some fun and even useful stuff was created this weekend: Entries — Node.js Knockout
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108191930948657153
2011-08-29 12:28:37
“Whether they realize it or not, listening may be the most valuable thing anyone can do.”
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108154081176072192
2011-08-29 11:46:04
DeirdreS: RT @PJCrowley: What we saw prior to and during #HurricaneIrene were engaged and competent governments in action. As citizens, this is wh …
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108143377182240768
2011-08-29 09:54:43
DeirdreS: @lderezinski Sorry to hear it, thinking of you.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/108115352906510336
2011-08-28 20:43:45
DeirdreS: @node_knockout not outside the US it ain’t 🙁
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107916300612943872
2011-08-28 20:43:17
DeirdreS: @lderezinski didn’t you just say schools will be closed tomorrow?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107916181247238146
2011-08-28 18:41:58
DeirdreS: @smaffulli Where are you going?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107885653022347265
2011-08-28 15:52:23
DeirdreS: left ear completely and painfully blocked only heightens my sense of dislocation from the world.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107842974121074688
2011-08-28 15:50:54
DeirdreS: arrived London. Must have slept some on the plate, not nearly enough
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107842602723835905
2011-08-28 15:46:59
DeirdreS: @jimpick Funny, seems as if there ought bo be some sort of Google memorial marker
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107841614587760640
2011-08-28 02:02:51
^ You can’t tell in this photo but one of the pilots is a woman. I’m always absurdly pleased by this.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107634216975609856
2011-08-28 00:57:43
DeirdreS: at SFO. Again. Would really have preferred to stay home…
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107617823093817345
2011-08-28 00:51:08
DeirdreS: RT @StorageMojo: SmartOS.org: Zones, ZFS, DTrace and KVM in 1 OS. Run Windows & Linux apps in VMs. From Joyent. Cool!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107616168658993153
2011-08-27 23:30:12
DeirdreS: RT @node_knockout: wow, 24 teams have already deployed.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107595801546600449
2011-08-27 23:26:12
DeirdreS: RT @timfoster: Being thankful for #dtrace + Python in Solaris – I don’t have to do lots of that stuff, phew #kiwipycon
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107594794016051201
2011-08-27 23:25:00
DeirdreS: RT @peteryorke: Scaling WordPress in the JoyentCloud Part 2
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107594491950665728
2011-08-27 23:24:45
DeirdreS: @fitzage did you get the squirrel butt?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107594430025957376
2011-08-27 19:25:32
DeirdreS: Completely freaky: I can find a Google maps photo of my dad’s house, and be quite certain my dad was there when they took the picture.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107534228815749120
2011-08-27 16:59:16
The experience is brutally physiological: It literally takes your breath away. This makes grief hard to communicate.Â
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107497417808691201
2011-08-27 16:42:36
DeirdreS: @hudsonette Oh no! I was already feeling sorry for people with BoM tix for tonight, didn’t know I actually knew any of them.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107493226553933824
2011-08-27 15:40:17
DeirdreS: @dexterous Good work! 😉 #dtrace #devopsdays #bangalore
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107477542616825857
2011-08-27 03:54:15
DeirdreS: Lesson for the day: At least one Wikipedia editor contradicts himself.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107299861979856896
2011-08-26 22:04:44
DeirdreS: @ryancnelson That’s a fantastic idea. You can use my big monitor if you want #joyent #nodeknockout
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107211902819639297
2011-08-26 21:46:16
DeirdreS: .@SFist Now I know why I never need to go to Burning Man. I attended plenty of the equivalent at a far too tender age with /my/ parents.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107207258852687872
2011-08-26 18:58:50
DeirdreS: RT @robinbloor: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm #humor – That actually is true.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107165119515082752
2011-08-26 18:56:58
DeirdreS: RT @corloff: RT @poultrykeeper: Bet with Boss. He says Twitter is a waste of time. He will give 50p per RT I get but I give him £10 if I …
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107164651816615936
2011-08-26 18:48:32
DeirdreS: @lderezinski Impossible. These very noisy machines are very close to my desk.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107162529125498880
2011-08-26 18:44:35
“experiences that afford us new behaviors and engender new beliefs are the ones we remember.” Fast Company
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107161535570395136
2011-08-26 18:34:37
DeirdreS: time to dust off my London tube skills
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107159028257398784
2011-08-26 18:24:12
^ We can pretty much write off the workday…
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107156404313391104
2011-08-26 12:28:24
DeirdreS: this is the last time I play travel agent for the whole damned family
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107066865297264640
2011-08-26 12:10:04
DeirdreS: When on hold, it’s probably for something I can’t do online, so the messages about how I could be doing this online are just cruel mockery
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107062251101495296
2011-08-26 12:00:07
DeirdreS: Oh, fuck. Daughter is supposned to change flights on the way to London for my dad’s funeral… Saturday night at Dulles. Fuck fuck fuck.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107059748033146882
2011-08-26 11:23:56
DeirdreS: @linuxdaddy I’m arriving Sunday, only in town til Tuesday morning. Got some time on Monday? I’ll be out and about.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/107050642211749888
2011-08-26 06:08:13
DeirdreS: I’m not crazy about the violin, but I loved this post
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106971187158065152
2011-08-26 05:40:37
DeirdreS: @metadaddy Oh, we’ll get there. I bought myself Legos, for me, but at least I’m pretty good about cleaning them up.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106964243760431104
2011-08-26 05:14:54
DeirdreS: RT @musicjulia: Marcel Chouteau: A Hurricane is Coming Up the Coast.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106957769231446017
2011-08-26 05:13:49
DeirdreS: I hate stubbing my toes so much, you’d think I would learn not to do it!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106957500699512834
2011-08-26 05:11:12
DeirdreS: @jeffreytaylor I am far from an expert on this, but I think the first step is to accept that you actually are hot.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106956839220031488
2011-08-26 03:47:21
DeirdreS: And more! How an earthquake affects hard drive and website performance | ExtremeTech
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106935740285452289
2011-08-26 03:46:15
DeirdreS: @missbhavens seriously, wasp stings hurt like a sonofabitch, and on your head…! ouch!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106935460315660289
2011-08-26 03:43:49
DeirdreS: @brendangregg: human earthquake!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106934847347490816
2011-08-26 03:24:02
DeirdreS: RT @ben1mal: Alright, last chance for a lonely Padawan to join up with a few good Jedi Knights in SF and win a MacBook Air. Just sayin. …
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106929870952611840
2011-08-26 03:23:07
DeirdreS: @missbhavens There, there. Support support support. 😉
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106929641062797312
2011-08-26 00:28:02
DeirdreS: RT @openindiana: @vv111y We’re definitely very pro smartos and are very supportive of Joyent’s contributions – and vice-versa!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106885577361731584
2011-08-25 23:39:06
DeirdreS: @oneofth3m Cool, I look forward to seeing it in October
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106873262419607552
2011-08-25 21:56:16
DeirdreS: free (and amazing performances in the Bay Area Sept 8-17 Project Bandaloop | Bound(less)
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106847386516725760
2011-08-25 19:15:26
Leonard Cohen – Chelsea Hotel – YouTube
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106806911726403584
2011-08-25 18:38:28
DeirdreS: RT @joyent: Joyent is now part of the Open Virtualization Alliance
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106797608596553728
2011-08-25 18:19:34
Kinda hard to believe Leonard Cohen has outlived my dad – Hallelujah – YouTube
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106792849361739776
2011-08-25 17:37:07
DeirdreS: RT @mcavage: @massivescale it’s for real. We’re building the next generation of cloud user management on ldapjs+riak @joyent.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106782166482034688
2011-08-25 17:13:33
DeirdreS: @mcavage so you follow @rosannecash , right?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106776237212573696
2011-08-25 16:39:40
DeirdreS: RT @mcavage: LDAP and Node.js. Boom.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106767711174004736
2011-08-25 16:26:02
I learned about swearing responsibly from my dad long ago, when I was about 10 years old
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106764281432899585
2011-08-25 15:46:24
DeirdreS: That road you didn’t take? Sometimes it turns out to be a damn good thing you didn’t.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106754306308456448
2011-08-24 22:51:25
DeirdreS: @melanierenzulli damn, you’re right #SteveJobs #SteveJobs #SteveJobs
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106498877850517504
2011-08-24 21:57:36
DeirdreS: RT @brendangregg: the DTrace book has sold over 1,000 paper copies; thanks to everyone who got one!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106485332412862464
2011-08-24 21:41:58
DeirdreS: @linuxdaddy thank @johnnysunshine – it’s his work
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106481398130544640
2011-08-24 21:09:37
DeirdreS: Slides now available, too! Video: SmartOS: The Modern Operating System
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106473256852267008
2011-08-24 20:45:21
DeirdreS: @jeffspross @johnnysunshine …or female, or non-white…
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106467151799521280
2011-08-24 20:18:10
DeirdreS: .@jeffspross And, conversely, the idea that if you’re poor, you somehow deserve it.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106460310424141825
2011-08-24 19:18:41
DeirdreS: How to Use the SmartOS ISO Image – SmartOS Documentation – SmartOS Wiki
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106445341934624768
2011-08-24 19:17:18
DeirdreS: @edsai There’s always the marketing department. 😉
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106444991144001536
2011-08-24 18:38:38
DeirdreS: @edsai I took over “your” cube.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106435261013049344
2011-08-24 18:37:36
DeirdreS: @edsai Where are you?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106435002719404032
2011-08-24 17:33:29
DeirdreS: @elijahwright Hadn’t heard it, for all I knew I was making that up!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106418867882033152
2011-08-24 16:52:13
DeirdreS: @ryancnelson did you also keep both ears?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106408481598353408
2011-08-24 16:16:11
DeirdreS: Video: SmartOS: The Modern Operating System  – Bryan’s webinar from yesterday
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106399414943367169
2011-08-24 15:56:24
DeirdreS: RT @pingles: we’re kicking off a london node.js user group: Â @teabass is organising, meet up in september
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106394434375139328
2011-08-24 11:10:44
“Thanks” and “sorry” are two simple words that can make a world of difference.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106322545313202177
2011-08-24 03:55:57
DeirdreS: Dad didn’t realize it himself, but when he played guitar, he always started with “The Sinking of the Reuben James”
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106213126776684544
2011-08-24 03:50:03
Peter Paul & Mary – Puff the Magic Dragon – YouTube
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106211644388020224
2011-08-24 03:22:08
“In spite of it all, I’m able to grin, and think of the places my get up has been”
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106204616055726081
2011-08-24 03:14:27
DeirdreS: But – what’s worse? A dad who went down fighting (and really thought he was immortal), or two mothers who decided to walk out of my life?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106202683039416320
2011-08-24 03:12:32
DeirdreS: I alternate periods of “Yes, I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” with “You tore my heart out and stomped that sucker flat.” Sometimes within 1 hr.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106202202875502592
2011-08-24 03:03:33
DeirdreS: @mtuckerb Wow, that close already?!? Excited for you guys. You are all very brave.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106199940748951553
2011-08-24 02:49:31
DeirdreS: Anchovies on toast, fresh tomatoes, Indian potatoes with spices, olives… international dinner! Oh, and Maker’s Mark 46.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106196408142532608
2011-08-23 22:59:35
DeirdreS: @vdotw Thanks. I’m sure it will lessen at some point, tho I have a feeling it’ll worsen first. Right now I’m probably still in shock.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106138545621708800
2011-08-23 22:54:50
DeirdreS: Kinda feel like a truck ran over me. Yes, I know this is all normal. Doesn’t make it any fun.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106137347330015233
2011-08-23 22:23:43
DeirdreS: RT @stevel: any systems developers (kernel/drivers) folks in the bay area looking for a super cool gig? my group at google is hiring.. …
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106129517705310208
2011-08-23 21:01:23
DeirdreS: RT @SmugMug: The horror, the horror! Â #BestEngagementPhotosEver
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106108798028099585
2011-08-23 20:21:37
DeirdreS: @manufloresv Sorry about that, we’ll see what we can do. Any ideas on a platform that would work for all?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106098788787175424
2011-08-23 19:23:52
DeirdreS: @linuxdaddy Realized the day I’m available is a bank holiday, dunno if most Londoners will be out of town?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106084255595102208
2011-08-23 18:44:51
DeirdreS: @shawnferry Yes, I missed a big one in CA years ago because I was driving. #Earthquake
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106074438608498688
2011-08-23 18:10:39
DeirdreS: @timkennedy Ah, that was you getting evacuated? There will be a recording. And you can always keep asking questions.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106065831275937792
2011-08-23 17:41:11
DeirdreS: @wrighty Yes, I expect very soon!
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106058416639840258
2011-08-23 17:38:11
DeirdreS: “SmartOS is usable for HPC, enterprise… many kinds of workloads.” Bryan Cantrill webinar
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106057662340399104
2011-08-23 17:37:18
DeirdreS: “SmartOS itself is entirely open source.” Bryan Cantrill webinar
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106057437785755649
2011-08-23 17:34:13
DeirdreS: “In SmartOS, if you break out of a virtual machine, you’ve only tunneled out to a larger, more secure cell.” Cantrill webinar bit.ly/oCTHOV
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106056660895801344
2011-08-23 17:32:08
DeirdreS: “Operators can decide where to virtualize in the stack, based on your needs. We give you the choice.” Bryan Cantrill webinar bit.ly/oCTHOV
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106056140034547712
2011-08-23 17:25:42
DeirdreS: @hudsonette Their taste in women seems somewhat similar.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106054520634740737
2011-08-23 17:21:18
DeirdreS: @sxa555 We’re all on Mac, FWIW
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106053412826783744
2011-08-23 17:20:43
DeirdreS: “In OS virtualization, the operator from the global zone has total visibility up and down the stack.” Bryan Cantrill webinar bit.ly/oCTHOV
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106053265107591168
2011-08-23 17:14:22
DeirdreS: “You can argue that those of us who write operating systems don’t know how to share very well.” Bryan Cantrill webinar
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106051666666729472
2011-08-23 17:08:25
DeirdreS: “DTrace helps you answer the age-old question: Why is my system sucking?”
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106050169191137280
2011-08-23 17:07:02
DeirdreS: “ZFS is the only enterprise-grade storage stack that is open source.” @bcantrill in webinar
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106049823341416449
2011-08-23 16:42:10
DeirdreS: starting soon! The complete operating system for cloud computing: Smart OS. Joyent VP Engineering Bryan Cantrill webinar http://t.co/AIPvQIZ
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106043563279785984
2011-08-23 15:02:12
DeirdreS: @erikbryn …and few people can afford them.
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106018407358537728
2011-08-23 15:00:43
DeirdreS: In London Sunday afternoon to Tuesday morning, who do I need to catch up with?
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106018034497490944
2011-08-23 14:57:51
DeirdreS: RT @SenatorSanders: “Since 1993, more than half of the nation’s income growth has been captured by the top 1% of earners.” – @TheAtlanti …
http://twitter.com/DeirdreS/statuses/106017311898611713
2011-08-23 01:21:54
The Bamboo Casket
The Straughan family motto is Non Timeo, Sed Caveo – “I am not afraid, but I’m cautious”. So wrong for my dad. (He wasn’t afraid of much, but he certainly wasn’t cautious, either!)
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My Dad’s Death
I haven’t been good at long-form personal communication in the last few years, partly for lack of leisure, partly because, well, these years have been rough on many fronts (outline here). But this seems like a time when telling everybody everything at once will be more efficient, and perhaps easier on me.
My father, Al Straughan, had long been ill – although, as he often emphasized, not with anything that was likely to kill him soon. In spite of 50 years of smoking, no exercise, and a lifetime of being overweight, he had a healthy heart, and there’s no family history of cancer. The lungs… not so good. In the last three years he was in the hospital just about every month with a lung infection, and the doctors seemed unable to find a root cause, except a general diagnosis of COPD.
Several years ago they did a bronchoscopy to examine an obstruction in his lung, and found a pea that Dad must have accidentally aspirated some time before. If you’re a fan of House, you may recall an episode in which a patient coughed up part of a lung for exactly this reason. Dad’s bronchi were weakened or damaged as a result, so a stent was put in at that time. (I may be getting the details wrong because I was usually not geographically close, and such a lot happened that it was hard to keep track.)
Dad had been living in the UK for at least 15 years with his third wife, Ruth, who is British. They met in Jakarta around 1987 or ’88 – he was there on a contract job, she was working for the Hilton hotel chain as a trainer (Ruth, forgive me if I get these details wrong, too). They met at a party when Dad walked up to her and said: “For once, I’d like to dance with a woman I can look in the eye.” Ruth is 6′ tall, Dad was 6’3″.
They came together to my wedding to Enrico in 1989, and soon thereafter moved to Texas, then the Maldives, then “home” to the UK (though Ruth had been away as much as there: she’d lived in Hong Kong for 15 years, then Bali…). As it turned out, the UK, with its National Health System, was the best possible place for them. Though Dad never became a citizen nor even had time to contribute much to the national coffers, the NHS took excellent and expensive care of him. There were a few procedures they chose to pay for privately to shorten wait time when Dad was in pain, but the NHS did most of it, and bore most of the cost. I am deeply grateful for this, and wish we had a national health system here in the US – it’s a matter of social justice.
Dad’s other area of health troubles was arthritis. Being overweight and never having exercised routinely contributed to the degeneration of his bones and joints such as we all suffer as we get older. He had his first knee surgery to clean up damaged cartilage in 1982, and his first knee replacement far earlier than doctors usually like to do them: the artificial joint wears out and will eventually need to be replaced again, and this is major surgery. Over the years they replaced the other knee, had to do repair work on one or both at least once, and one of these surgeries resulted in Dad being in intensive care. He had other surgeries to try to alleviate pain that was being “referred” from his deteriorating spinal column all over his body. Recently they tried implanting electrodes in his spinal cord which he could activate using a device outside his body, to interrupt the pain signals before they reached his brain. Apparently these devices are hard to tune; it was never wholly successful in stopping the pain, which was at times so severe as to keep him confined to bed. He had been effectively disabled by pain for over 10 years.
For most of this time, I was living relatively nearby in Italy, and could get over for visits fairly often, especially once the era of low-cost airlines began (I am grateful to them, too). Those of us who have internationally-scattered families know the pains of being far away when a loved one needs us. There was one week in which my mother, in Iowa, was having a large tumor removed from her ovary, and Dad, in the UK, was having yet another major operation that could have landed him in intensive care again. I chose to stay in Europe in case Dad needed me. Mom was attended by her sister, and her tumor turned out to be benign, but she never forgave me for not being with her – one of the causes of our eventual estrangement.
In 2008 I moved to the US, and visits to Dad and Ruth became fewer. I stopped by on my way to India on my last major trip for Sun Microsystems in March, 2010, then did not travel overseas for over a year. I was finally able to see them again this June, when Joyent sent me to Italy, so I extended the trip a bit and popped up to the UK for a weekend.
I can’t say that the deterioration I saw in June was shocking; I had known most of what was going on with him (I assume), and could observe some for myself in the many phone calls during which he was coughing, quickly out of breath, or simply too tired for sustained conversation. But I was deeply saddened. Caring for him had become a full-time job for him and Ruth both. His world had shrunk to their small home, sometimes just the bedroom, and the TV. This seemed cruel for a man who had lived large, hard, and adventurously all over the world in his 72 years.
I was also concerned for Ruth, who had been his only caregiver in all this time. There was little I could do to help from Italy. Again, international divides complicate everything: neither Dad nor I was living in our passport country, and by the time I moved back to the US, he was uninsurable here and could not risk even a visit to his beloved birthplace, New Orleans. This is why I give very short shrift to the brainwashed Americans who shriek: “Socialized medicine is evil! It’s not the American way!” Justice for all? Yeah. Tell me how it is right that my father could not afford to visit his native country before he died. Then go fuck yourselves.
We all knew that this June’s visit might be the last time I would see my father. I didn’t (and still don’t) understand what all was going on, but he was clearly going downhill, and he even stated baldly that, whenever he did go, there likely wouldn’t be time for me to arrive at his bedside. But he also told me that one of his doctors had said there was no reason he couldn’t live another 15 years. Then, at another moment, he mentioned that he had looked into assisted suicide in Switzerland, but could not afford it. This was all confusing, though understandable. I can’t know for sure how I would react in his situation, and I shudder to think of becoming as reduced and confined as he was. I thought of my aunt Rosie, who told me in January of 2006 that she had had enough (after 10 years of severe health problems) and was ready to go. I had replied: “I will miss you terribly, but if you feel it’s time, you should go.” She died in late March of that year.
Last weekend I was in Austin to catch up with an old school friend who was visiting mutual friends, and for my daughter Rossella’s birthday. My brother Ian also lives in Austin.
I received email from Ruth letting me know that Dad was in hospital again, with what seemed to be yet another by-now-routine lung infection. Ruth and I spoke on Sunday; he was wearing an oxygen mask and unable to talk on the phone. The doctors were not happy with his oxygen levels, and could not get them up.
That evening (would have been the deep of night in the UK), Ruth called again. He was hemorrhaging from his lungs for unknown reasons (they suspected the stent may have got misplaced) and not expected to live til morning.
I called Ross and Ian, we sat together and talked and drank for a while, but there wasn’t anything we could do, even for each other. I guess I slept a bit that night, probably not much.
The next day Ruth reported that he had regained consciousness sufficiently to let her and the doctors know that he wanted to fight for his life. We should have expected that, I suppose – going gently was just not in his character. Later that day he was transferred by ambulance to a lung hospital some distance away. He survived the trip, and another night passed in observation (and no sleep for anybody).
Tuesday he was “well” enough for an exploratory bronchoscopy. They found that the stent had indeed moved, in a way that would require surgery under general anesthesia to fix. His other lung was also “compromised”. His condition was such that he might not survive anesthesia and, even if he did, would be on a respirator. It was kinder to opt for palliative treatment and let him slip quietly away, which he did Tuesday evening, with Ruth beside him.
Ross, Ian and I will be flying over in the next week for a funeral with our English family and friends. Sometime later in the year, we will arrange a jazz funeral and burial of his ashes in New Orleans, I hope in St Roch cemetery where his parents are. It should be one hell of a party. We hope all those who knew and loved Al will be able to join us.
My eternal gratitude goes to Ruth, who (besides being a wonderful person whom I’d love anyway) did so much for him, for so long. Not out of any spirit of self-sacrifice, but because she loved him. We could all count ourselves fortunate to be loved so well. I hope that now the rest of us will have a chance to do some things for her.
photos and other memorabilia here
Al Straughan, 1939-2011
“It’s showtime, folks!” Dad was a huge fan of Bob Fosse, and musical theater in general.
Tribute from his friend Celeste:
“Al had a positive optimism that permeated his life and work. No matter how sick he was, he always looked toward the future. He was a nurturing person who never foresook the maternal within his masculinity. We had a fantastic time together from 1959 through 1965 as the twin nexus of a group of wild scholars romping through LSU in Baton Rouge, the City of New Orleans and the Louisiana countryside with imperial abandon but doing no harm. Alton and I lost touch around 1970 to find each other again in 1992. Since then our friendship illuminated my adult life. He was a linguist, a helpful consultant to developing communities throughout the world with the US foreign service and independently, a true mystic, artist and writer. It’s hard to believe we’ll never again engage in stimulating arguments over the nature of the world and spirit or in gut-busting reminiscences of the past.”
Celeste’s visit to England (pdf with photos)
More reminiscences on Al in the comments below, and here and here.