Hot Water

While in the UK a couple of weekends ago, I bought a hot water bottle at Boots, and packed it into my only luggage (carry-on) to bring back to Italy. The x-ray technician at security was momentarily confused: “Is that a hot water bottle?”

“Yes, they’re surprisingly hard to find in Italy,” I replied.

A security lady opened my bag carefully and pulled out a perfectly ordinary, red rubber hot water bottle, with the tag still on. (I had had a feeling that might be useful.)

“Well, you can’t carry it on,” she declared.

“It’s brand new and has never contained any liquid of any kind. What is the problem?”

“The rule says you can’t bring on water bottles,” she insisted stubbornly.

I wasn’t going to make a scene in airport security, but I was deeply puzzled. The lady asked a colleague his opinion.

“I don’t think it means that kind of water bottle,” he said.

“The rule says no water bottles!”

So she asked a supervisor, who looked bemused. “No, not that kind of water bottle. She can take it on.”

The lady looked put out – she apparently cherished the strictest possible interpretation of the rules. But I got to bring home my hot water bottle.

News and Fiction

I just got back from a visit to my dad in the UK. Because he is essentially bedridden, he watches a lot of TV, so I saw a great deal more of it than I usually do. The big news in Britain on Monday was the trial of Dhiren Barot, accused of being a top al Qaeda man, with big plans to make big bangs. None of these plans were ever actually carried out, for which, of course, we are thankful!

The press didn’t have much material to use in its hours of coverage: one photograph of the man and some court transcripts. They’re not allowed to film the trial, so they showed a photo of one of the barristers, superimposed on a computer-generated courtroom.

One of Barot’s ideas for causing mayhem had been to rent three limos, stuff them with gas cannisters and other explodables, and blow them up in garages underneath some of London’s swankiest hotels. To illustrate this point, the BBC showed footage of a white limosine, with an anonymous figure (head cut off by the framing of the shot) putting green gas cannisters inside. In other words: not having anything real to show, the BBC did a “recreation” of an event that never took place. At least they did not go so far as to fake up an explosion.

It seems that the line between news and fiction is getting mighty blurry.

Italian Slang: B

Italian Slang Dictionary: intro A B C D E F G I L M N O P Q R S T U V X Z

Balle

[BAHL-lay] Balls. Usually synonymous with “Bullshit!” Mi ha raccontato un sacco di balle – “He/she told me a whole bunch of lies” (literally, “a bag of balls”). Can also be used like palle. Che due balle/palle – “What two balls” – can also be used like “What a pain in the ass.”

Barbone

[bar-BONE-ay] “Having a big beard”, but also used for homeless men.

Battona

[baht-TONE-ah] Streetwalker, because she “pounds (battere) the pavement”.

Beh

“So?” or “So what?” In some parts of Italy, this may be equivalent to boh. Not particularly rude.

Bocchino

[bock-KEE-no] “A little mouthful” – fellatio.

Boh

A verbal shrug. This isn’t rude – you can use it any time.

Botta

[BOT-ta] A blow, a punch, a coup, but also used to mean a dose of cocaine. Hence in botta is used to mean high (but not necessarily specifically on cocaine).

In Roman slang, botta or bottarella means a fuck. Le ho dato una bottarella – “I fucked her [a little].”

Italian Slang: C

Italian Slang Dictionary: intro A B C D E F G I L M N O P Q R S T U V X Z

Caca

[ca-ca] Means poop, of course. Used with/by children, or ironically.

Cacchio

[KAHK-yo] A mild replacement for cazzo.

Cagare

[cah-GAR-ay] To shit.

  • Si stanno cagando sotto – “They’re shitting themselves below [with fear]”.
  • Non mi caga niente – “He/she doesn’t shit me anything,” i.e. “He/she doesn’t give a shit about me. ” In some areas, this means “I don’t give a shit about him/her” while you would need Non mi caga per niente to mean “he/she doesn’t give a shit about me.”
  • Mi fa cagare – “It makes me shit” – “It disgusts me.”
  • Va a cagare – “Go shit!” Used as an alternative to vaffanculo.

Cagacazzo

[CAH-ga-CAHZ-zo] Cagare + cazzo = “a shit dick”. (???) A rompiballe.

Cagata

[cah-GAH-ta] A shit, used of a worthless event or action or object. Can be used similarly to minchiata or cazzata : Ho fatto una vera cagata (I did something hugely stupid).

Canapa

[CAH-na-pa] Marijuana.

Canna

[CAHN-na] Literally a cane, as in bamboo, but used for a joint/reefer/ doobie – a marijuana cigarette (for which I don’t know the current American slang!).

Casino

[cah-ZEE-no] This has two basic meanings: “a lot” or “a mess”.

  • Mi piaci un casino is a slangy (but not rude) way to say “I like you a lot.”
  • Io ci sono stato un casino di volte = “I’ve been there a ton of times.”
  • E’ stato un casino = “It was a huge mess.”

Not to be confused with casino’ (the accent on the final o indicates that the stress is on that syllable, so pronounce it [cah-zee-NO]). This means casino in the American sense – a place where you gamble.

Cavolo

[CAH-voh-low] Literally, cabbage. Used as a mild replacement for cazzo: Non si sa che cavolo vuole (“No one knows what the heck he wants”).

  • Col cavolo! – Literally, “With cabbage!” but used as “Like heck!”

Cazzarola

[CAHTZ-a-roll-a] Another mild replacement for cazzo, used when you realize in the middle of the phrase that you shouldn’t say cazzo in present company. The Italian equivalent of using “frick” for “fuck”.

Cazzata

[caht-ZAH-tah] Something stupid. Ho fatto/detto una cazzata – I did/said something stupid. As Dario Fo has pointed out, a cazzata is something stupid, whereas a figata is something great. (Thank Alice Twain for that tip!) See also minchiata.

Cazzo

[CAHT-zoh] The quintessential Italian swearword, the one you’ll probably hear most often. A vulgar term for penis, but used in many contexts much as “fuck” is used in English:

  • Che cazzo vuoi? – “What dick you want?” – What the fuck do you want?
  • Che cazzo! “What dick!” – WTF!
  • Non rompermi il cazzo – “Don’t bust my dick” – Don’t hassle me.
  • Testa di cazzo – dickhead
  • Cazzo! – Shit!
  • Non fa un cazzo – He/she/it doesn’t do shit. Hence, fancazzista – one who does nothing.
  • Stare sul cazzo – “To stay on one’s dick” – to annoy terribly.
  • Sono cazzi tuoi – “Those are your dicks” – That’s your problem.
  • Fa i cazzi tuoi – “Do your own dicks” – mind your own business. If you want to be a little politer, say Fa i cavoli tuoi.
  • Cazzi amari – “bitter dicks” – bad stuff.

Cazzo d’Oro

[… doro] “The golden prick.” Said of a man who marries money by dint of his sexual prowess, at which point he can attaccare il cappello.

Chiappe

[KYAHP-pay] Butt cheeks. Often used in muovere le chiappe – move your butt, get a move on. Or alzare le chiappe – lift your butt up (out of that chair and do something). Chiappe can be used as a politer substitution for culo. It can also be a surname!

Cesso

[CHESS-oh] A rude word for toilet, but also used to describe a very disgusting place or a very ugly woman.

Chiavare

[kya-VA-ray] To fuck.

Citrullo

[chih-TROOL-oh] Derived from cetriolo (cucumber) – used of somone large, lumpy, and rather flavorless/dense. You can use this in polite company – just don’t let the person you’re referring to hear you!

Coglionare

[coal-YONE-ar-ay] To make a fool of, see coglione below.

Coglione

[coal-YONE-ay] A vulgar term for testicle, but also used to mean idiot (Che coglione! – “What an idiot!”). Apr 5, 2006 – Used in this sense by Berlusconi to define people who intended to vote against him in the recent election (which he lost, barely). Il Corriere della Sera translates coglione as “dickhead.”

  • Fuori dai coglioni – “Get out of my balls” (“stop bugging me,” but on the rudeness scale equivalent to “fuck off”). As in the political cartoon shown above, worn by people intending to vote against Berlusconi: “Us morons, him out of our hair.” For a milder version, use fuori dalle palle.
  • Non rompermi i coglioni – “Don’t bust my balls.” (Don’t hassle me.) For a slightly politer version, substitute palle or scatole, milder terms for balls.
  • Bisogna avere i coglioni quadrati – “You need to have square balls” (a lot of nerve/guts).
  • Rincoglionare – to make stupid.

Controcazzi

[CON-tro-CAHT-zi] “Counter-dicks”. Used in the phrase Con i controcazzi, meaning “with every possible accessory, fail-safe, feature, etc.”

Cornuto

[cor-NOO-toh] “Horned” – literally, “cuckolded, betrayed.” Used similarly to the American “loser” – but MUCH more offensive. More used in southern Italy than northern, with the accompanying “Hook ’em Horns” hand gesture.

Cozza

[KOTZ-ah] Literally, “mussel” (shellfish), but used for an ugly woman. Funny that there’s no equivalent for a really ugly guy…

Cozze, alle

[AHL-lay KOTZ-ay] Literally “at the mussels” (as in the mollusk you eat), but used to mean exhausted, done in, or in a mess. (This phrase is not particularly rude – nobody’s shocked by shellfish. Unless maybe it means “only ugly women are left at this party” or something to that effect.)

Crucchi

[KROOK-kee] A nasty word for Germans, exactly like “Krauts” in English. (I’m sure they have their own nasty words for Italians…)

Cuccare

[KOOK-kar-ay] To rimorchiare successfully. This is a Lombard/Milanese useage.

Culattone

[cool-laht-TONE-ay] Derived from culo, roughly translates as ass bandit. A rude word for a gay man.

Culo

[COOL-oh] Ass or asshole, but also used to mean luck. Che culo! therefore does not mean “What an ass!” but “What luck!” or “You’re so lucky!”

Also used in Gli faremo un culo cosi’ – “We’ll make them an asshole this big” (with hands held apart to show just how big): “We’ll rip them a new one.”

Mettilo nel culo – “Put it in your ass”, similar to vaffanculo, is equivalent to the American “Shove it”.

Deirdré Straughan on Italy, India, the Internet, the world, and now Australia