Countries Beginning with I

…but first, I had better define “hidden immigrant.” The term comes from David Pollock and Ruth van Reken’s book Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds. A hidden immigrant is someone who looks and sounds pretty much like everyone else in her “home” country, but, due to a TCK upbringing or other extensive overseas living, isn’t quite as native as the natives.

As I wrote long ago:

My problem in dealing with my fellow Americans is that I look and sound American, but am not, quite. Culturally I’m a mishmash, a Third Culture Kid. I just don’t notice many of the American cultural cues, so I don’t respond the way Americans expect me to. They sense vaguely that something is wrong, but can’t quite put their fingers on what. Of course I miss cues in other cultures as well, but non-Americans make allowances for the obvious fact that I’m foreign; indeed, they would be surprised if I acted exactly as they do. (Americans usually extend the same courtesy to obvious foreigners in America.) For me, though, it’s different: in America I’m actually a foreigner, but camouflaged as a native, so I don’t have the privilege to screw up that someone clearly foreign would have.

When I returned to the US at various earlier points in my life, I had unexpected troubles with my fellow Americans. Some took against me at first meeting for no reason that I could figure out at the time. I was perfectly well disposed towards them, and had no idea what I had done to make them dislike me. (Yes, the fact that I am a geek and lacking in some social sensitivities is also a factor.)

Then I attended one of David Pollock’s workshops at a Woodstock reunion and subsequently read his book. As for so many of us TCKs, those were huge “Aha!” experiences. As one workshop participant said: “Now I know why I’ve been so weird all my life.”

I’ve had a number of years since to think over my TCK status, so I was better prepared to handle myself as a hidden immigrant when I returned to the US to live in 2008.

My coping strategy started with recognizing that, after 17 years in Italy, I had no idea how anything worked in the US. I had visited often enough to observe many changes, but I hadn’t had to deal with the everyday hassles of actually living here. Health care and insurance, for example, are hugely complex and confusing, I suspect on purpose. Having to go through the entire process to get a new driver’s license yet again was irritating (though not as bad as I’d feared). Buying a car was overwhelming. It’s hard not to look or feel like an idiot when you are so entirely ignorant of experiences that your peers take for granted.

My solution was simply to tell everyone I dealt with, at the beginning of each conversation: “I’ve been out of the country for a long time, so practically everything is new to me. Can you please explain?” And they were all happy to do so. I learned plenty by not being afraid to ask “dumb” questions. And perhaps my upfront admission of foreignness diminished the perceived insult on the occasions when, wild with frustration and confusion, I blurted out: “That doesn’t make any sense!” (NB: Usually in reference to health care.)

Paradoxically but perhaps not surprisingly, another coping strategy turns out to be having a support network of people “like me”. Though I know and like a lot of people, the ones I’m closest to and most comfortable with are usually “foreign” in some way themselves: recent or long-time immigrants, or Americans who have lived abroad; we even have a small but growing group of escapees from Italy (American and Italian). With these “foreigners,” I can compare notes and share support on the good, the bad, and the ugly of living in the US, without giving offense.

It hasn’t been easy, and I’m still learning. There are things I’d have done differently if I had known better at the time. Bureaucracy in any form makes me very nervous, which is probably partly a legacy of living in Italy. Sometimes I feel scared and very much alone. But, on the whole and most of the time, re-entry to the US has not been as hard as I might have expected. This time, knowing where I do and don’t fit, and making sure the “normal” Americans know that, has helped.

If you haven’t been reading all about my life for years (no reason why you should!), here’s a bio.

All in all… #
@alanc Thanks; a nice evening of good French wine would help, and I can probably arrange that even here in SF, and very soon… #
@pfuetz Thanks! #
@davest @alanc Love to! Always like to learn wines w local experts. Had a long hymn to Oregon pinots at GHC last year from a fellow attendee #
RT @SunBlogs: Optimizing Legacy and Modern Application Environments with Oracle Solaris Containers at OOW2010 #
At OOW? Join Brendan Gregg and friends Monday at 4 for an Unconference session on the Sun Storage 7000 appliance #
@missbhavens the one you wanted? #
Hope today’s torture will have set me up to go to a really cool party tomorrow night, as well as to do my many tasks at #oow starting Sunday #
@koberoi wow, whose is that? I have a pic of zfsguy, but I know who that is. #sun #
@openstorage Yes, I will be filming it. 😉 #
Amusingly, one of the colleagues I hope to see during #oow week, I’ve known since age 14 at boarding school. #
@myinnervoice Really? That’s what happens when I need distraction. I hope at least some of them were enjoyable! #
@gbrunett In the Solaris demo booth Mon-Tues am, Solaris unconference sessions otherwise – I think I’m filming you, no? Looking forward! #
If you’re coming to #oow, stop by the Solaris demo booth and let me scan your badge. I think I get points or something. 😉 #
@ItalianoWJodina L’avevo dimenticato; spiega molto di quello che e’ successo oggi. #
@StopBeck O’Donnell actually has contemplated enjoying the naked body of a putative future husband? Gasp! That’s lust! #
@myinnervoice Shh! They’re watching. 😉 #
@LusciousPear Not up to it tonight, but definitely want to meet you. Coming to #oow? #
@thinguy Actually, correct vodka sauce actually does involve vodka, and is YUMMY. Will have to make that, haven’t in ages… #
@KatieS I thought tweeting while intoxicated was the whole point of twitter. 😉 #phoenix #
@thinguy The actual alcohol probably cooks off anyway, but maybe some kids would find the idea of eating vodka sauce cool. #
The Mother of All Sinus Infections Countries Beginning with IÂ #
@NomdeB I think you’ve been through at least as much, but I fully understand if you don’t want to read about any more! #
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@ #PHB: Bryan Fischer: Christians must control the govt or atheists and pagans will take over – go atheists and pagans! #
@GodlessAtheist Good point – I don’t want pagans in power any more than any other believers. #
@hemantmehta Travelling while brown… #United #
Ian McKellan’s shirt on the anti-Pope march: I’m Gandalf and Magneto Get over it Excellent!!! http://twitpic.com/2pq44x (via @SpaceAvian) #
It is one of the greatest lessons in humanity learning empathy and understanding for what does not touch you personally #
@Roam2Rome those are the days you can only wear black or white scrubs #
FB advertising is irrelevant, offensive, or just plain dumb. Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I’m always in the market for appliances. #
Americana: Blogs about how to collect random stuff. Then about how to display it. Then how to organize it. Then how to manage debt? #
@jimpick I’ve been paid in (excellent) wine for re-translating an Italian winery’s website, which needed it badly. #
@apperceptions hmm, will it grow on a balcony? #
@oraclenerd I suspect they’re feeling a bit overrun by DBAs #
@missbhavens I think Cole Porter wrote a song like that, but you’ve got the lyric slightly wrong. #
@oraclenerd Keep in mind this year’s OOW is sandwiched between Talk Like a Pirate Day and the Folsom St Fair. Make of that what you will. #
@oraclenerd Wouldn’t it be great if Larry did his keynote in Pirate? #
@missbhavens Being ladylike is overrated. #
Contemplating the follow-nomics of a TwitChange bid. But it was more fun to pick a fight, er, have a debate with @adamsbaldwin 😉 #
@Roam2Rome It’s like a black and white ball, only in the hospital. 😉 #
@avinash It’s an awesome joke, who cares if it’s photoshopped? #
Once a year or so I buy packaged mac&cheese, out of some vague childhood nostalgia. But it never tastes good. Must just make my own. #
Ask yourself: who paid for this ad? – Especially if it involves demon sheep. #
@avinash True, both are good. And pithier than Wizards and evil geniuses for equality! #
So many people seem to identify themselves primarily as parents. Does this place a psychic burden on the kids? #
…or am I overinterpreting the people who mention they are proud parents of and/or use their kids’ photos in their profiles? #
@italofileblog yes, lusingare means to flatter @italofileblog #
I’m getting close to a nice, round 1000 Twitter followers. Which is meaningless: probably half are bots or dead accounts. #
…it is sweet of Stephen Fry to still be following me, though surely he doesn’t read his 53k followers. #
I wish Twitter would clean out every account that hasn’t been touched in over a year; lots of warped numbers based on these. #
@sergiusens Which, clearly, I’m not – just spent half an hour cleaning out followers who had been inactive for >6 mos #
At some point I will have to figure out what I’m going to wear this afternoon, and (shudder) iron it. I really look better in jeans. #
@DeepakChopra What does that mean? How does a person turn into love? You become some sort of disembodied love spirit? #
@glynnfoster True, I did see a lot of people in jeans on opening day last year. Will you back me up to the boss on that? 😉 #
@bubbva You can read my longish follow up to a comment on this on FB (scattered conversations are a problem…). #
@bubbva Interesting book. But celebrities aren’t the only narcissists; ordinary narcissists =ly damaging in their own families, at least. #
@timminchin Plead a migraine. #
@bubbva Would be good to have you there; I’ll be filming, too. #
Rahul Gandotra’s short film The Road Home will be playing in Chicago on Oct 28th – highly recommend! #
@glynnfoster I thought he /wrote/ that wiki. 😉 I’ll take his word for it – save me ironing. Thanks! #
@BrentSpiner Don’t tell me you’re coming for Oracle Open World too? #
Who among my tweets has press/blogger credentails for #oow? #
RT @feliciaday: Saw Eat, Pray, Love. (aka First, World, Problems.) – Beyond first world, comfortable elite problems! #
@KeithBurtis Whom? #
@jeffhuber Buy. Now. Or be subjected to more cute banter with Gwyneth Paltrow. #oow10 #
@jeffhuber You misunderstand. You don’t get to do banter with Gwyneth, you just have to listen to it. 😉 #
@dboyll He could wear the suit AND talk like a pirate! #Oracle #oow10 #javaone10 #
@pelegri I could have helped with that… way more t-shirt experience than anyone needs. #glassfish #
Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice: What i tell you three times is true.Â #
Granny, Get Your Gun – there’s no hope left for Grandpa #sadmusicals #
That’s the way they like us in the United States, dark, boisterous, uninhibited #
NB: People usually look a little more excited than that to get free t-shirts. #
@KeithBurtis in response to Just need to execute – whom? #
RT @melanierenzulli: I hereby anoint thee lol RT @Z_Everson: Pop culture tip: There is no Lord Gaga. – Maybe there’s a Gaga Consort #
RT @DarylOrts: #oow10. 41,000 attendees: 36,236 are currently asleep. Thanks #hp. – and the rest are tweeting their discontent #
RT @arungupta: YAAAAWWWWN …. ZZZZZZZ #oow10 wake me up when Larry is on the stage! – I’m sure there will be plenty to wake you up shortly #
Umm, let me guess… Larry fell asleep, too? #
judging by the tweets, video stream is running a minute or so behind reality #
RT @ORCL_Linux: Customers can run #Linux on the new #Exalogic Elastic Cloud #oow10 – and Solaris #
RT @Mrgareth: By far the fastest computer for running Java, Larry says the secret sauce in Exalogic is #Oracle Coherence. #OOW10 #
RT @Radu43: Oracle Now mobile application now available on the Android platform.Â #oracle #oow10 #javaone10 #develop10 #
Yup, absolutely my kind of town. #
@SoLoKeii: No offense but all agnostics and atheists are going to hell. <– Our thoughts towards you are far more Christian, my dear. #
New followers: if you want news about Oracle Solaris, yes, I supply that because it’s part of my life. But I also tweet about other things. #
At the ZFS demo W079 Moscone North #
Huh. Avid is advertising on my personal website (The Videoblogging Manual Countries Beginning with IÂ #
Heading up to the Parc 55 to film three Solaris Unconference Sessions #oow – DTrace, Containers, 7000 Series Appliance #
Waiting at a street light in SF, I see a familiar figure draped in a Brazilian flag… #
No coffee even for speakers?!? #
Brendan and Roch on DTrace #

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Sysadmins are all artists. #
So many people I enjoy spending time with are in town; very frustrating to be so ill and tired. #
Oracle Solaris 11 Outlined (Oracle Solaris)Â #
fingers crossed – may not need more sinus surgery after all. A few days on a different antibiotic should tell. #
Not really sure what HDR is, but I think I like it. #
photo gallery: Sept 11 Walk in San Francisco Countries Beginning with IÂ #
My appetite is so weirded out, I have to eat whatever seems appealing. Afternoon snack was an entire avocado with balsamic, & tortilla chips #
RT @SAGEProgram: Fastweb is offering a 2000 Study Abroad Scholarship!!! It expires tonight so enter your name in the drawing NOW!!! ht … #
RT @riccardo_iommi: Officials investigating #Vatican Bank in money laundering probe http://on.cnn.com/bd6l2i << this was lost news locally #
Evaluating the inside-my-head sitch. Books to take over for the ZFS hands-on lab, then Mason St tent for live DTrace Tech Cast at 1:30 #
Now watching: Oracle Technology Network Live #
Live now: Dave Miner on Deploying Solaris 11 – Oracle Technology Network LiveÂ #
If you’re at #oow, you can talk to Dave in person at the Unconference today at 3, Parc 55 Mason Rm (#OTNLIVE live at http://ustre.am/dv4c ) #
RT @Schlomo: @sogrady As previous owner of HoS, just want to say thanks for always being good to us. New yuppie HoS will open soon – yay! #
@plsleet nothing else is being live webcast afaik, don’t know how much is recorded for future viewing #
Coming up at 1:30 Brendan Gregg on DTrace – Oracle Technology Network LiveÂ #
Filming under very poor conditions. I apologize in advance for how bad this will look. #
@dave_miner speakers good as always, hotel lighting terrible. #
What you get when you pay for professional filming. Plus the filming, of course.Â #

@tpenta I must think so – I keep putting him in front of the camera. 😉 #
Kindle: wifi only or wifi+3G? Which do you own and why? #
@davest Athletic Wednesday joins Causal Friday? #
Video Romance Countries Beginning with I http://t.co/tSPiFCb via @DeirdreS #
RT @SAGEProgram: Congrats to Kodaikanal International & Woodstock School – once again ranked #1 & #2 India’s Top… http://fb.me/HtTZYNRB #
I’ve been confused about what day of the week it is all week, probably because my work week started on Sunday. #
@italylogue Found reverse expectations prob with Italian families who went to EuroDisney, were bored. But didn’t actually go on any rides. #
@vupine I Watussi always works. #
Down, Boojum down I say! #
DTrace book coming soon : Brendan Gregg #
What I thought I’d be filming didn’t come off, so I turned it into something other, possibly better. That’s the value of guerrilla video. #
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Weird collection of headlines all featuring Mom – murdered mom, murdering mom, miracle mom. Umm… it’s hard being a mother? #
This was a really bad week in which to still be pretty desperately ill, but am beginning to have hope that I’ll be well soon. #
@timfoster Sorry I missed you. I’m not going regularly to SCA – the commute is awful and co. shuttle non-functional til it changes Oct 1. #
Who’s Next? #
@StephenAtHome You won’t be any more fictional than a lot of the characters who have testified before Congress. #
@oracletechnet how about the TechCast of Brendan Gregg that couldn’t be streamed live? #
@oracletechnet Thanks, not there yet. #
did find another familiar Aussie, though:Â Jake Carroll of Queensland Brain Institute #
@tpenta ooh, I didn’t know you were a musician. I love great guitar, and you’re delivering! #
Uh oh, new tweet hack? I’m pretty sure these two people would not be tweeting about making money by uploading files. #
I have a few ?s for those disappointed enough to crave a reversal of course after <2 years of different tactics… http://huff.to/bWyWxg #
Just generated a #TweetCloud, my top words are: oracle, solaris, video – http://w33.us/85s6 (http://twitpic.com/2rv4zy) #
Just generated a #TweetCloud, my top words are: oracle, solaris, video – http://w33.us/86il (http://twitpic.com/2rxsha) #
saw a guy with a t-shirt Slavonic Heathen Metal. Oddly specific. #
Daughter in 2nd round of interview process today; fingers crossed that she’ll soon be happily – and literally – embarked. Well, emplaned. #
@vdotw That is bad. My pattern lately is to wake up (for no reason) at 4 am and then have trouble getting back to sleep. #
@vdotw Yeah. I’m used to waking up a lot at night, the big question is always whether I’ll be able to get back to sleep easily. #
P. W -Q #
RT @richburridge: Need to improve my lizard wrangling skills. – Huh? #
Spent the weekend quietly – didn’t really have a choice. But enjoyed it. #
@jlb13 I loathe nights like that. Fortunately, for me, last night was not one of them. #
Apparently even birds find me relaxing to hang out with – two mourning doves are dozing on my balcony rail, just mellowin’. #
Pain is very selfish. It really doesn’t want you to think about anything else. #
@sogrady Pet gecko? #
@melanierenzulli I have a boilerplate web page I send them to, which explains why they can have a link – for a price. #
The domestic land lobster under its cushion reefÂ #

@lskrocki @willsnow Oh, THAT terminal. You have to go about halfway back to the main terminal to get to the wifi. Then it’s fine. #
Margaret H, whose family owned a printing co, gave me something I have long coveted #

@xiehicks Interesting idea, thanks, tho the one I have wouldn’t lend itself to that. #
Damn, damn, damn. #
just for a change from techie stuff: Customs and Etiquette When Dining Out in Italy Countries Beginning with IÂ #
my apt is infernally hot this afternoon, but I’m too tired to go out in search of A/C. The solution? Home made lassi. #
@urbanturbanguy Sorry, drank it all! Now I need some soda to make fresh lime soda. #
@scrabb_ly what do I do when I’m boxed in and can’t play any further? #
By and large, I could have done without today. #
http://scrabb.ly/ is fun, though a bit slow at times, and maybe runs better on Safari than Firefox. #
I always think I’m fine, I should be doing x,y,z when this is very much wishful thinking and I should be RESTING. #
I’ve always tried to ignore illness, work in spite of it (otherwise I get bored). Problem is, then no one believes me when it’s serious. #
waiting for my Kindle to arrive. #
Antibiotic, painkiller, and ginger beer: breakfast of champions? (Yes, I did actually have food earlier.) #
Damn, damn, damn, damn… #
So of course the first book I bought for my new Kindle was Terry Pratchett’s latest. #
@tomcoates There is no such thing as too may Legos. #
@corey_latislaw I’ve been using it since I learned that you are not forced to share every location update, in fact I share very few. #ghc10 #
Leaving Oracle : Bill Pijewski’s Blog #
Balcony tomato harvest #

@digitalsista All I can think is They must have rented those sofas from the same place Oracle got them. #womenintech #tcdisrupt #
Some very kind friends came over last night, cooked me dinner, and provided company. Big help for the cabin fever I would otherwise suffer. #
@NomdeB So far I like it, comfortable for reading and I can load all sorts of stuff on it, tho a pdf to kzw tool would be good. #
Dunno if the dr will want to torture me again today, might almost welcome it, if it would relieve the current pain/pressure. #
Thanks to everyone tweeting from #ghc10 – very useful (and some consolation) for those of us who can’t be there #
SAGE Program alumna Weezie Yancey-Siegel speaks at TEDx on youth, philanthropy, and creating changeÂ #
RT @SethGreen: Utah rules accidental miscarriage= Criminal homicide? – being a fertile woman in UT is dangerous #